LUDIC LIVE

From “Peter9827″‘s review of Blues Brothers 2000:

Alright Here is my review of Blues Brothers 2000 the sequel to the 1980 Classic the Blues Brothers Which was one of my favorites this also one of my favorites too.But Before I begin this review this movie has nothing to do with the 1st one but this is still a good movie Let me start with the plot of this movie Jake Blues has been let out of prison 15 years after the events of the 1st and Despite the absence of his late brother Jame who was played by John beluishi in the orignal and is Dead Now.  Elwood decided to get the band back together agian Just lie the 1st one and is also trying to help a orphan and Along the Way a bartender agrees to help played by John goodman and I have to admit he dosen’t do a bad job even if he isn’t John Belishi.  The Little boy also did a good job.  The Movie is Alright But it isn’t as good as the 1st but is still a good movie so 3 out of 5.

Note:  Peter9827 actually gives Blues Brothers 2000 four stars out of five.

THE AMERICAN REVOLUTIONARY WAR

• Dates: 1775-1783
• Primary Opponent: Great Britain
• Primary Cause: Desire to overthrow the burden of colonialist oppression in the form of elevated tea prices
• Deaths: 15,590 combat/51,080 total
• Who was to blame?: The British, for not fucking off and letting us drink our goddamn tea in peace
• Major repercussions: Birth of modern democracy; America free to become biggest dicks in all of creation

VARIOUS INDIAN WARS

• Dates: 1785-1898
• Primary Opponent: various native American tribes
• Primary Cause: Indians were getting in the way of our getting some really choice land with their phony-baloney ‘treaties’
• Deaths: around 4,000 Americans, plus who knows how many Indians because we didn’t really bother to count them
• Who was to blame?: The Indians, because seriously, get out of our way, dudes
• Major repercussions: Lots of room for mini-markets; no more Indians; curious lack of guilt

THE WAR OF 1812

• Dates: 1812-1815
• Primary Opponent: Great Britain
• Primary Cause: British couldn’t quite believe they lost to America in the first place
• Deaths: 3,860 combat/25,700 total
• Who was to blame?: America, for winning the Revolutionary War and upsetting the natural balance of things
• Major repercussions: Canada

MEXICAN WAR

• Dates: 1846-1846
• Primary Opponent: Mexico
• Primary Cause: Mexico failing to learn valuable lesson from Canada about being a good neighbor
• Deaths: 5,100 combat/32,000 total
• Who was to blame?: Texas
• Major repercussions: Burritos

CIVIL WAR

• Dates: 1861-1865
• Primary Opponent: each other
• Primary Cause: certainly not slavery
• Deaths: 203,000 combat/620,000 total
• Who was to blame?: Negroes
• Major repercussions: Slavery abolished; innovative new ways of oppressing black people developed

SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR

• Dates: 1898-1916
• Primary Opponent: Spanish oppressors & people oppressed by the Spanish
• Primary Cause: Spain left the keys in its empire and just left it sitting there
• Deaths: around 5,000 Americans and probably about a million Filipinos but that’s okay because ten of them only count as one real person
• Who was to blame?: Mark Twain, for making us feel really bad about wanting in on the whole imperialism thing
• Major repercussions: Spain decided to take a nap for the next 200 years

WORLD WAR I

• Dates: 1914-1918
• Primary Opponent: Central Powers, led by Germany
• Primary Cause: Uh…
• Deaths: 9,900,000 combat/38,000,000 total
• Who was to blame?: America, for failing to respect the divine system of aristocracy
• Major repercussions: Proved to politicians that they could pretty much convince people to go to war over any old bullshit

WORLD WAR II

• Dates: 1939-1945
• Primary Opponent: Axis Powers, led by Germany
• Primary Cause: Someone took their eyes off of Germany for like five seconds
• Deaths: 24,000,000 combat/72,000,000 total
• Who was to blame?: Probably the Jews
• Major repercussions: Fascism defeated; greatest evil in world history halted; people born in teens and ’20s became insufferably smug

KOREAN WAR

• Dates: 1950-1953
• Primary Opponent: The bad Koreans
• Primary Cause: Douglas MacArthur needed something to do
• Deaths: 475,000 combat/2,200,000 total
• Who was to blame?: Karl Marx, for giving people a bunch of crazy ideas
• Major repercussions: TBD

VIETNAM WAR

• Dates: 1955-1975
• Primary Opponent: Charlie; hippies
• Primary Cause: French too snooty and ineffectual to keep their colonies under control
• Deaths: 1,318,000 combat/3,000,000 total (not counting Laotians, Cambodians and Thais who pissed off Henry Kissinger)
• Who was to blame?: Whoever convinced the Vietnamese that they could elect their own leaders
• Major repercussions: Gave American right an exciting Dolchstoßlegende of its very own

GULF WAR

• Dates: 1990-1981
• Primary Opponent: Iraq
• Primary Cause: April Glaspie
• Deaths: 36,000 combat/45,000 total
• Who was to blame?: Kuwaiti incubator babies
• Major repercussions: Took care of that Saddam Hussein guy once and for all

AMALGAMATED GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR, INC.

• Dates: 2001-present
• Primary Opponent: Definitely not Islam (but really Islam)
• Primary Cause: Arabs made American eagle cry
• Deaths: 2,977 brave heroes on September 11th plus blah blah Iraqi civilians whatever
• Who was to blame?: Jimmy Carter
• Major repercussions: Major upsurge in sales of yellow ribbons, patriotic bumper stickers, country music, plastic sheeting

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